I’m hesitant to post this but I’m going to try to be as vague as possible.
When I was in high school gym class there was this person who picked on me like crazy. They poked me with a stick and their gang of friends would all stand around and laugh and point fingers because I was a fat monster.
Honestly that hurt so much that it still bothers me. Out of all the mean things people have called me that individual and their actions hurt the most.
Recently I found out this individual was struggling with depression. They added me on Facebook and I was hesitant to accept.
The next day they committed suicide.
And I sat there in shock.
I always pegged this person as an asshole who caused me so much mental turmoil I was too selfish to see if they were okay.
I’ve been battling with myself. I know they struggled but god they made me suffer. They made me suffer so much that I still struggle with that today. Whenever I have on an outfit that’s a little too tight I just imagine getting poked with a stick while everyone stands back and laughs.
But what can I do? I can no longer talk to this person. I can’t demand an apology.
And I feel so selfish because they were struggling so much they took their own life.
And I decided the only thing I can do is forgive.
I’m going to forgive even if they were never sorry.
Because I can’t hold a grudge for someone who hates me when they hated themselves more. I can’t be filled with hate for a reason that happened long ago.
So I’m going to try and take this as a lesson. I wish I would have messaged them when they added me and asked if they were doing okay. I’ve gotten a reputation as someone you can go to for help whenever you’re struggling and honestly it’s amazing.
If for some reason another bully from my past tries to add me on Facebook I’m going to make sure they’re okay. I won’t ask for an apology because you can’t hurt someone else unless you hurt.
So today I choose forgiveness. I forgive all of those who may not even be sorry.